Category: by OJ Wolfsmasher

I am Notoriously Unreliable

Hello everyone.  It’s been a while, and I am trying to decide what to write next, and also if the pen name of OJ Wolfsmasher should continue to write things or be taken out back and disposed of like yesterday’s donut box.

Maybe it’s the long cold winter.  Maybe it’s my run-on sentences.  Maybe it’s my determination to try and be happy.  I don’t know what’s preventing me from deciding on a direction.  … Register or log in to access full content

Pretty Much Just One Shade of Brown, Part 1

Pretty Much Just One Shade of Brown (Part I) by OJ Wolfsmasher

  • Pretty Much Just One Shade of Brown (Part I) by OJ Wolfsmasher
  • Kindle Edition | Smashwords
  • ISBN: 9781301244485
  • Word Count: 5,877
  • Genre: Satire, Parody
  • Members Only Download Links: [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=135 linktext=EPUB /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=136 linktext=MOBI /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=137 linktext=PDF /]

Pretty Much Just One Shade of Brown, Part 1------------

What does it look like when an author rage-quits her or his culture? It probably looks a lot like this parody of Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm so sorry. (With special appearances by Justin Bieber and superchef Bobby Flay.)

------------ Author's Note

WARNING: contains extremely veiled sexual innuendo and explicit satire of some horrible ideas.

Not The Story I Expected To Write

Sometimes I know nothing about the nature of a story when I start writing it other than a couple characters and a plot point.  Until about the time I finished the rough draft for Get Acquainted with Mr. Grief, I didn’t have any idea where it was leading beyond the first few scenes.  You’ll be happy to know that last week sometime a plot structure did actually begin to develop in my head.  … Register or log in to access full content

Get Acquainted with Mr Grief by OJ Wolfsmasher

Get Acquainted With Mr. Grief (Pilot Episode) by OJ Wolfsmasher

  • Get Acquainted With Mr. Grief (Pilot Episode) by OJ Wolfsmasher
  • Kindle Edition | Smashwords
  • ISBN: 9781301400768
  • Word Count: 6,327
  • Genre: Literary Fiction, Christian Fantasy
  • Members Only Download Links: [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=132 linktext=EPUB /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=133 linktext=MOBI /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=134 linktext=PDF /]

Get Acquainted with Mr Grief by OJ Wolfsmasher------------

Paul is a messenger from God, but he is not an angel. At least, he doesn't think he is. In this Pilot Episode, his mission to an Atlanta megachurch brings him face-to-face with an out-of-control Pastor whose crapulence forces him to confront his own tragic past.

For My Next Trick, A Serialized Novel

In honor of the wonderful upcoming month of November (O please get here soon), otherwise known as National Novel Writing Month, my next project is totally going to be a novel. Because I love you, my dear readers, so very much, I’ve decided to let you have a say in WHICH novel I release in easily-digestible e-book installments.  This will technically be my debut novel, and the course of my entire writing career is hanging in the balance, so “choose wisely.”

(I’m bringing this up because I honestly am having a beast of a time deciding which way to go…it’s a genetic thing.)

Your choices:

1) As Far As You Know — In 2005 (seven years ago!), I actually wrote a Nanowrimo novel. … Register or log in to access full content

Whenceforth Zombiez!(?)

I was unprepared for the amount of work my little zombie story, Zombiez!, turned out to be.  Apparently I wrote the first draft while on a massive crack binge, and the second while under the influence of some serious lazy pills.  Looking at myself in the mirror, I made a deal with that guy:  The third pass through would be my last, but I had to be sure that EVERY WORD in EVERY SENTENCE was right before I could move on.  … Register or log in to access full content

Zombiez by OJ Wolfsmasher

Zombiez! by OJ Wolfsmasher

  • Zombiez! by OJ Wolfsmasher
  • Kindle Edition | Smashwords
  • ISBN: 9781301877065
  • Word Count: 12,450
  • Genre: Undead Horror, Black comedy
  • Members Download Links: [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=101 linktext=EPUB /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=103 linktext=MOBI /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=102 linktext=PDF /]

Zombiez by OJ Wolfsmasher------------

During a zombie apocalypse, eight seemingly random people take shelter in a spooky chapel in the middle of the woods. In this bleak black comedy, OJ Wolfsmasher mines the depths of the human condition and finds lawsuits, bribery, shotguns, performance-enhancing drugs, Death Panels, killer wedgies, pick-up artists, marital affairs, hallucinations, bad accents, forced massages, contracts to beat up Priests, deviled ham, money-filled briefcases, Apple stores, Elder-like Gods, fish-monsters, and lots of zombies. There's more, too, but how many more cool keywords do you need before you'll read this? Seriously, it's like Lovecraft meets the TV show LOST with a backdrop of zombie hordes. If you're not interested in that, then there's something wrong with you.

------------ Author Notes

Warning: This story might be offensive to those who don't like:
  • Cusswords
  • Bleeped-out cusswords
  • Bodily fluids
  • The Occult
  • Frank depictions of evil

What’s in Yo He-ead?

You should see my typing posture* right now.  I’m at my kitchen table, my legs are spread and on two separate chairs, I am leaning way back (i.e., slouching), and the chair is making an imprint of vertical wooden lines on my poor back.  It is 3am.  I made a cup of coffee, and should have made a pot.  Live and learn and make another cup, I guess.  Also, I’m not going to explain why I’m up so early/late.  … Register or log in to access full content

Notes on “Love Can Be Scary”

I’m pretty happy with how this story turned out, except for the one sentence with the uncaught redundancy (aargh!).  I think it sums up a lot of my current thoughts on a lot of the big issues — love, God, dreams, kindness, and (of course) jealousy.  These are not simple, trite, or easy subjects in real life, and I feel like they shouldn’t be that way in fiction, either.  Sometimes dreams are bad, and sometimes jealousy is good, and nothing is ever as easy or as impossible as advertised, because ads lie.… Register or log in to access full content

Love Can Be Scary

Love Can Be Scary by OJ Wolfsmasher

  • Love Can Be Scary by OJ Wolfsmasher
  • Kindle Edition | Smashwords
  • ISBN: 9781476476001
  • Word Count: 4,298 (approximate)
  • Genre: Romance, Humor & Comedy
  • Members Download Links: [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=92 linktext=EPUB /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=94 linktext=MOBI /] | [wpfilebase tag=fileurl id=93 linktext=PDF /]

Love Can Be Scary------------

From the demented mind of OJ Wolfsmasher comes a molotov cocktail of a love story destined to not ever wind up on the same bookshelf as any book from Nicholas Sparks. It will either make you reconsider what you think about everything, or just make you angry. You won't find out until you read it. Fanjanko meets a beautiful and mysterious woman who turns his life upside down and shakes it like an etch-a-sketch. Is she everything he's ever wanted, or is she just playing a dangerous game?

------------ Author's Notes

Unlike some of my work, I have a feeling that this one won't be so well-received. It, like most literature today, started as a "Twilight" fanfic (satire's a type of fanfic, right?). But then I switched the genders of the main characters, switched pirates for vampires, and added a bunch of stuff that has been bouncing around my head for a while. I'm quite pleased with the result, though I'm not sure you will be. I dare you to read this and find out.
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