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Ten Reasons to Join Bard and Book

I'm not so good at selling things.  You know why?  I HATE BEING SOLD THINGS.  You have to understand, I've been constantly manipulated for what seems like 40 years, and I don't really see the value in the whole process.  It started with the totally understandable "See, being good and not screaming keeps you from being spanked," and ever since then people have been trying to convince me to do, and not to do, stuff.  So I guess what I'm saying is that I, moreso than probably 98% of humans, understand your skepticism about this dare I sheepishly say revolutionary new way to consume carefully-ordered words with your eyes.

I'm therefore going to have to step out of my brain for a second and try to convince you to sign up for this website thingy that lies before you.  A couple of disclaimers before I go:  a) OJ Wolfsmasher is obviously a pseudonym; b) OJ Wolfsmasher stands to financially benefit from your signing up, in that a portion of the monthly subscription fee goes to him; c) If you don't sign up for the site, OJ Wolfsmasher might not be able to write anything ever again ever.

I guess that was more of a threat than a disclaimer.

Now, some (off the top-of-my-head) reasons to become a subscriber to Bard and Book:

1)  The authors are starving for attention, and will interact with you in comments and chat rooms.  This means one thing:  More friends for you!  (Ok, maybe I'm only speaking for myself w/r/t attention...but still, friends!)

2) The more people who subscribe, the more we will write.  The dream for most of us (again, only really speaking for myself, so this is all speculation) is to one day become full-time writers.  You can be a big part in making that happen.

3)  At some point in the near future I'll post my recipe for White Chili.  You don't want to miss that.

4) This still has to be cleared with Anthony Horvath, our leader, but I feel moderately confident that I can convince him to have a contest among our members to design a real logo to replace that blurry picture of random white people at the top of the Bard and Book homepage.  I have no idea who they are, and just want them gone.

5) The authors are all really good, and are just beginning to grow into the craft of writing (again, speaking only for myself, blah blah blah etc).  You're in on the ground floor!  This isn't Amway, but if it was, you'd basically be signing up to be a millionaire.  As it is, you're just signing up for great writing every month.

6) Studies have shown that reading is fundamental.  I may be mixing up "studies" and "library commercials from the 1980s."  But I'm pretty sure reading is better for you than most things you'd otherwise be doing.

7)  You can play "Count the Typos that OJ Wolfsmasher missed in editing."  Seriously, it's horrifying.   I'll do better.

8) Your subscription not only gets you exclusive access to the content by the seven of us, it gets you content from mystery authors that may be added in the future!  And those guys (or girls, hopefully -- just sayin) will be way better than us (again, speaking just for me when I say "us.")

9) This isn't a cult like Scientology or Facebook.

10)  In all seriousness, I will be forever in your debt.  Even if I end up saving your life someday, I will still owe you at least a cold one.

In conclusion, I'm going to pull a page from Sally Struthers' economic guilt book and say that for the price of a cup of coffee (or maybe two or three cups of coffee, and from Starbucks) you can get access to an entire month's worth of stories from seven authors who are just trying to make a go of it in this horrible publishing world.  If that's not worth it to you, then don't sign up.  But then actually do.

 

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