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What’s in Yo He-ead?

You should see my typing posture* right now.  I'm at my kitchen table, my legs are spread and on two separate chairs, I am leaning way back (i.e., slouching), and the chair is making an imprint of vertical wooden lines on my poor back.  It is 3am.  I made a cup of coffee, and should have made a pot.  Live and learn and make another cup, I guess.  Also, I'm not going to explain why I'm up so early/late.  Don't judge me, person who lets the MAN tell you when you can SLEEP.  Hold on I gotta tweet that...

One of the great things about writing is that you get to make long-standing cultural artifacts into whatever you want them to be.  Case in point:  I turned vampires into pirates for my Love Can Be Scary story.  Given the chance to turn vampires into anything else, why wouldn't one do so?  If only everyone would ask themselves that question.

I also have an axe to grind about zombies, thank you very much.  So now I get to grind that axe:  

28 Days Later was an effective horror movie.  How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse was a nice book.  Taken together (with their followers), they have nearly ruined the zombie genre.  Zombies should not be FAST.  Zombies are the DEAD come back to life.  They need to be slightly STIFF.  They do not have a DISEASE that makes them want to eat people, and that supercharges their fast-twitch reflexes; that is totally stupid.  Zombies are caused by IONIC STORMS and other pseudo-scientific-sounding gibberish.  They are not EXPLAINABLE in scientific terms.  They should not be JUMPING.  They are CREEPING HORROR.  I hate modernism.  Die, will you!  *hits modernism with shovel*

And so the zombies in Zombiez! are of my own devising, all slow and en masse and groan-y.  Throwback zombies, if you will.  This post was really just to say that, and to tell you that the story is still being written.  The internal debate always is, "How much editing and proofreading and rewriting is too much?"  The internal answer is, "Well, do you want it to be perfect, or not?"  That is the unanswerable question, right?  So I settle on "perfect for me" and then post it to Bardandbook.com and then find the one typo or redundancy I missed and then scream like I'm being chased by zombies.  At least they're slow.

* If the British are going to put the letter "u" in everything that has an "o" (colour, etc.), shouldn't they be putting an "o" in everything that has a "u"?  Shouldn't they be spelling this word as "postoure"?  Somebody call the queen!

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